MORE THAN JUST A COAT

For some people, a white coat is just a piece of cloth that makes no difference. But for others, it is their identity—the fruit of relentless work and unwavering dedication.

But everything glorious comes at a cost, and sometimes that cost is hefty.

Writing this blog is a reminder to me of everything I've learned, everything I've let go of, and all the realizations I've had since the white coat became part of my dream.

This white coat signifies the journey from struggle to taking small steps toward our goals. But it also ends up teaching us so much more.

It symbolizes the trust we earn from patients and their families, even when we are just students who don’t yet know enough about what they are going through. You see the pain in their eyes when a doctor delivers devastating news, the tears when they feel helpless and long for a cure, the hope with which they look at you. All of it reminds you of the importance of this one piece of fabric.

The journey toward wearing this coat isn’t simple. It demands sacrifice. Personally, I gave up time to relax, to meet friends, and to go out with family. All of that collectively drained me to such an extent that I sometimes forgot what my goal even was. But in the end, it was worth it.

I still had people around me who treated me the same way they always did, who listened when I felt terrible because an exam didn’t go well, who stood by me when I had to take a drop year, and who never judged me.

This white coat carries with it the trauma of mock tests, the fear of failure, but also the essence of success. It holds the trust that people place in me when I listen to them, the belief I see in their eyes.

Med school is a taxing journey. We meet so many people, deal with so many emotions, heartbreaks, and failures. But in the end, it all feels worth it—when you see pride in your parents' eyes, hope in a patient’s eyes whose history you took, or the joy in your friend’s voice when you tell them you got selected to present at one of the biggest medical colleges in India.

At the end of every year, we realize that this white coat is not just a piece of cloth. It becomes part of our soul. It becomes a part of who we are and what we are destined to be.

The journey is long, but in the end, everything will be worth it. :)

Main lessons of Med school

The med school journey is like walking on a road with multiple potholes—you can fall at any time if you don't know how to balance yourself.
5.5 years is a long time to learn a whole lot, and a few main lessons most of us end up learning are:

• Learning to prioritize ourselves:
  The initial days of med school revolve around making friends, bonding with different sets of people, and adjusting to various things, even if it hurts, just to fit in and not be the odd one out. But as time passes, some of us begin to reflect on those moments when we felt like we weren’t being true to ourselves. Despite all that, we often find ourselves standing alone, with both our mental and physical health feeling like trash. That’s when we realize that prioritizing ourselves is essential.

• Understanding what’s important for our future:
  All of us join MBBS for a reason, but ultimately, what we do during these 5.5 years matters the most. Many of us prioritize marks above everything else, but the truth is that, along with academics, we need to develop a variety of skills—including co-curriculars, sports, extra academic activities, and attending events.

• Building connections:
  Life is all about building connections—meeting new people from different places. Some become friends, some acquaintances, and some remain strangers. But by the end, we will have met many people and built networks across universities. These connections are definitely helpful when attending events, CMEs, and other opportunities.

• Understanding ourselves:
  Many of us start out thinking we know who we are and what we want. But over time, after dealing with self-doubt, insecurities, judgment, and criticism, we begin to truly understand ourselves. We realize we don’t owe anyone an explanation. We remember why we joined MBBS and what really matters.

• Developing strong bonds:
  University is a place where we meet a variety of people—batchmates, seniors, juniors, and professors. Some people become so close that they stop feeling like strangers and start feeling like family. At the end of 5.5 years, the future may be uncertain, but why worry about that when we can use the present to make beautiful memories? It’s hard to get through med school alone. We need people who will support us and stand by us when we’re in trouble.

• Learning the meaning of true love and helplessness:
  Dealing with patients and their families doesn’t just grow our medical knowledge—it teaches us about love, attachment, and helplessness. It’s heartbreaking to see people crying in front of you, hoping you can help their loved ones. You see helplessness in their eyes—some longing for more time, some feeling guilty for not being there, and some hoping that you can still make a difference.

Ultimately, I'd like to say that med school is not just academics, but it is a transformative journey filled with reflections and learning.

Whapah!

Lol, I know the title will be familiar to many of you out there, but for the rest, it's from Friends!

It was an amazing show with many great and funny moments and dialogues, but most importantly, the characters. Some people may like Joey, some may prefer Chandler, or maybe Phoebe. But deep down, we love all of them because, at some point or another, they felt relatable.

We love and respect those characters for who they were, but why isn't this the case with real people? Why do we fail to understand that everyone is different, and that we are not the ones who should sit back and hand out character certificates?

I often have conversations with my younger self, you know, to understand where I stand, what I'm doing, and whether I am becoming who I want to be. Recently, there was a moment when I had to stop and reflect on what was going on around me.

I’ve always tried to be a decent person to others, sometimes even at the expense of not getting what I wanted. But at what cost? People — a segment of this society we've created — have always had their opinions about everything I did. They’ve labeled me with various names, misrepresented who I am, and handed out character judgments based on their own standards.

These things happen to many of us, I know, and most of us ignore them. But for how long?

Sometimes, when I look back at these things, it really does have an effect in one way or another, especially when it’s done by people I’ve hardly interacted with, or by those I once considered "friends."

I know a lot of us go through this, but most of us prefer being silent, thinking no one will understand. But trust me, having the right kind of people around makes a really big difference.

I did have a conversation about this with a few of my friends, and I realized that it was indeed wrong to bottle it up. They helped me understand my worth and that it really doesn't matter what others think about me. Why should their opinions matter when they don’t?

Medical college is extremely exhausting in many ways, but little did I know that I'd have to juggle academics, other responsibilities, and constantly justify myself at every step, especially to those who don’t matter.

"It's like all of my life everyone has always told me you're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe. And then today, I just stopped and I said, what if I don't want to be a shoe?"

This is one of my favorite dialogues from Friends, and now it’s going to be my mantra. I don’t have to prove who I am or what I am to those who don’t matter, especially when the people who truly matter are with me.

As a society, we've set standards and protocols for everything, and we tend to judge others if they step outside these standards, even just once. I’m not saying we should stop judging, because that’s almost impossible for us. But what I am saying is that everyone is different, and it’s not necessary for them to always fit into our standards. Sometimes, we just need to let people be who they are!

Blast from the past

 A new year, a new beginning with lessons learned from the past.

2024 was one hell of a year, came across new people, went to the same old places and made new memories, but some things never change like watching Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani after every exam lol (coz it is a comfort movie👀).

Last year taught me a lot, mostly that efforts do pay off sometimes, and you tend to have strong bonds with those you never expected to bond with, blah blah.

This blog is gonna include some of the most memorable moments from 2024.

I'm gonna go backwards coz the best thing was when my family surprised me on my birthday (I guessed it before only though). It felt excellent coz I met my cousins after almost 2 years, and my niece visited me in college for the first time. I initially felt that I'd be wasting time coz I had an exam the next day, but no, it was the best thing, got some good pictures clicked, and had some good food lol. 

Manipal was another thing that happened, its like a ritual for me, we end up going there every year for some or the other presentation. It is like a go-to place for me coz there are so many beaches and so many things to try out lol. It gave me confidence, and some amazing memories where I ended up singing random songs in the car, told the waiter some ultra-level nonsense coz I felt tipsy lol, and most importantly gave my case presentations which ultimately ended up getting published in their journals, but in the end everything is always worth it including all the random I'll give up moments lol. There's something that's yet to be accomplished, and hopefully, that'll happen by the end of MBBS. 

Buckingham murders- a random movie plan that took weeks to decide, but ultimately only 3 of us ended up going. That was an amazing day with rain, gossip, and food 🤌. We had to attend random lectures that morning and got stuck in traffic later, but everything was worth it! The best part was us discussing who the actual murderer was lol.

The trip to Thirthahalli with my niece and cousins, it was one of the best moments mainly because of my niece who is one of the best babies I've seen🧿. 

Holi in college that I was supposed to skip idk why, but that didn't happen. I decided to go be there for at least 10 minutes but never realized how 10 minutes turned into hours and I was covered in random colors. 

2024 included a lot of stuff, my first OT, the first time trauma of seeing an actual labor, a C-section, playing with random kids in the pediatrics ward, cases in the casualty ward, developing deeper bonds with both seniors and juniors but most importantly it helped me grow both personally and professionally. 

No idea what sort of a person I was in 2024, but I hope I was good at least to someone, and can be better this year!

Happy New Year 😄 !!

A piece of my heart

The title seems either concerning or boring, but I had to write this today.

It has been a long time since I wrote something because I was too busy or lazy (mostly this), but this blog will be nice because the words here reflect exactly how I feel.

21 years isn't small, and throughout this journey, I have been through a lot of situations, met a lot of people, and done a shit load of crap. But one thing is that I have always tried to give my best, and maybe that's why I ended up meeting many wonderful people.

Some stayed some left. This blog is dedicated to those who decided to stay. Family and friends are 2 different things for a lot of people, but not for me. I need both my family and these few people to be by my side and listen to me rant, laugh like a crazy person, and handle my senseless tantrums. 

I've always tried to be independent, and not express a lot of emotions, but only a few know how crazy I actually am. 

No matter how far we live distance has never affected us, or the bond that we share.

I still remember the time when I was at my weakest, and the first person I turned to was one of my closest friends [not revealing the name :) ]who listened to me talk, yell, and cry, but never judged me or made me feel uncomfortable. Our friendship started in 7th grade sitting and spoiling the desk using my scale, and progressed to me sharing my feelings and asking what to do. Every time I meet her it is like meeting a family member. After moving out of my house for college, things didn't really seem great, but none of that affected us maybe because of the maturity both of us had, even last night for example was another such time when I expressed something to her without hesitation because I didn't know how to handle such emotions. I know it seems very weird but thanks for being there and listening to me, and mainly for handling me.

What do I say about accidental friendships, I feel that they are one of the best things to ever happen. Little did I know I'd find an older brother in a person whom I never spoke to in school. He is the first one whom I told that I'd be writing NEET, and his reaction lives in my heart rent-free, and even now he's the one motivating me to do more. Its more like he's adopted a younger annoying kid (I sometimes act like a child in front of him). He's been there every time I need no matter what, never judged me no matter what, and never tried to put me down, but instead helped me throughout my journey until now. Idk what I'd do without that constant support and help.  

Ah and college friendships, damn I really don't know what to say! 

I've met people as crazy as me (probably more), and probably more than me. These people are the ones who help me survive that place, and the ones who handle me daily, be it for cringe texts, reels, or my mood swings. 

I remember the first conversation with each and every one be it about parishrama, old Hindi music, where to go for apron measurements, forensic science, murder, and crime mysteries, discussing the script of our first ever skit in college, drunk dude on the bus, sharing the same surname, thanking for clicking pictures, or talking random bullshit in the lab. Lol 

No idea how I got this close to y'all! but I'm glad that happened.

We grew from being cautious to talking shit without thinking and sharing stuff that broke us or made us express those emotions that we never expressed before.

We laughed, cried, stopped talking, cooked up random plans and stories, and got annoyed, but in the end, we were always there.

Some connections are made in an instant and last a lifetime y'all are like that, no matter how annoyed I get or no matter how much I yell at y'all, deep down I'd probably be teary-eyed when I've to walk away from even a single one of you.

My roomies, bench buddies, kiddos, opd 11 members, pengu, Manipal buddies, and seniors you guys are just wayyy tooo cheesy at times, but y'all are family. I'm glad I met u guys.

I'd probably write a whole book so that's it for now, Love y'all, and I'm waiting for all the crazy shit that's yet to happen!

Iceberg- you don't see everything

"It's fine, I'm fine, Everything's fine" This is the biggest lie we tell ourselves.

Since our childhood we have been told that every day is a new learning, but we are never told about the challenges that we need to face, the rejections we need to handle, and the phases of self-doubt that we need to manage. 

I don't want to bore anyone by talking about med school or college, but wanna share the reality which is nothing like a cute Disney movie. 

Being a teenager, or a young adult is not as easy as it is said to be. Personally, these were both beautiful and troublesome years to go through. It was not just the people around me but also myself that I had to fight and figure out what was best for me. Med school plays a major part in everything. There is something new happening every day, and coping with all of that isn't an easy task. 

Every single day is a challenge where I need to try and be sane, but can't just go ahead with the flow or the crowd coz it doesn't make sense. I have had people talk crap about me to an extent where it isn't easy to handle and trust me it is not easy to ignore everything. Some situations/stuff leave a mark that we carry lifelong, especially if you aren't part of a crowd or at least pretend to be and follow the rules of society, but no matter what, we are always expected to have a straight face and never burst out coz duh we are future doctors and how are we going to handle the future if a small comment from someone is gonna break us. At this point I just try to push everything deep down coz duh I am not supposed to express myself coz doctors and future doctors need to be able to handle pain both physically and emotionally, but is it really that easy? Nope... Few comments can never be ignored or forgotten, and few glances and reactions stay like a recorded clip in our minds and never go out no matter how much we try. There have been times when I just wanna walk away from conversations, people, groups, and places coz not everything is liked by everyone, but sadly a large part of our society fails to understand that people are different and have different preferences.

After learning to ignore those comments and moving on, new challenges start to show up. Med school doesn't wait for anyone, and it is not a race where the slow and steady win. It's a marathon that needs to be completed without falling or taking a break, but it is impossible to do so. There is like a shit load of things completed each day, and no matter how fast you run or how much of your sanity, sleep, and mental and physical health you give, it is never enough. 

24 hours is not a short period, it is more than enough to fuck things up royally, make a fool out of yourself, zone out, burn out, get demotivated, and want a break. There is always a question, why is it always me? Should I just give up and leave? Do I just go somewhere far so that no one can ever meet me again? 

Despite all of these, there are a few things that make everything seem worth it, like a call from parents, a call or text from those whom we care about and who care about us, the smile on a patient's face when we talk to them and try to listen to them, the blessings we get from patients and their attenders, and all of a sudden everything starts to seem good.

Realisations

 Finally after hustling for 11 months, the journey of first year has come to an end....

It's been a pretty great one..

Today, I don't wanna keep talking about how were the people I met, or how many memories I made this year. This time it's gonna be just about myself.

To understand oneself is a big task and kudos to those of you who are successful in it. For me it's always been a complicated task and trust me till date I haven't understood myself that well (probably that's why crushes remained crushes and stories remained Stories lol).

Mbbs helped me understand that it's neither  difficult nor wrong to believe in myself and go ahead with what my heart suggests (in terms of the course and professionally lol).

For me in person, it's been a really long journey where I learnt that I love trying to be better than others but I tend to fail miserably and constantly get over shadowed by others. 

I learnt is that it's totally normal to be yourself and not pay heed to what random people talk coz dogs are gonna bark and you can't stop them can you.

It's always said that being good to others is great and being selfish is just a baad mentality, but trust me in this world it's not necessary to be good towards other people and not thinking about ourselves. No one's gonna come and pay or bills, or solve your issues even if you've gone beyond your way to help them. That's the human nature. Situations can turn anyone against anyone and no amount of goodness is gonna help there.

There were a lot of scenarios where I was wrong, there were scenarios when I was wronged, but either ways I never did anything to rectify the issue ( probably for the best).

It's time to learn from the past and trust myself coz I'm my only company until the end of time. 

Probably people aren't gonna like what I've written today or they may still talk crap but trust me it doesn't matter anymore coz I've got a lot of stuff to thing about, and a lot of genuine people to stick along. 

Thanks for bearing with me until here!